


Tragical Romance

by CelesteSkyeHolmes



Series: Shirbert [2]
Category: Anne of Green Gables (TV 1985) & Related Fandoms, Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Jealousy, Love, Other, Romance, Shirbert, Slow Burn, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-10-24
Packaged: 2019-06-30 23:15:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15761721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CelesteSkyeHolmes/pseuds/CelesteSkyeHolmes
Summary: "Eight months you were gone, and you expected nothing to change?"She always wanted a tragical romance, he just wanted to escape. Now they both have nothing.





	1. I'll Be the One

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea for many years, and watching season 2 sparked a dark candle in my soul. This is an alternate ending for any Anne fan. I hope you enjoy reading this! Please let me know what you think or come say hello on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/celestial_holmes/)

_Dear Anne,_  
_I hope to return soon,_  
_So that we may share the same side of the moon…_

The sound of a carriage outside of Green Gables detracted her from reading the mysterious message. With a knock at the door, she folded the letter into a book and dashed downstairs.

Gilbert Blythe stood in the doorway with a man he who introduced himself as Bash. Her heart pulsated when he nodded at her, before his attention returned to Anne.

Marilla welcomed the party into the parlour, where Gilbert made a conscious effort to sit beside Anne. He recounted his journey to Trinidad, a place she had never heard of before. His eyes never left her friend, and Bash interrupted him only to mock the handsome boy.

…

“And by the time we got there, we all smelt like coal,” Gilbert said.

“And looked like it too,” Bash quipped.

Marilla and Matthew seemed perturbed by the comment, but Anne was enthralled by Bash. 

“You must’ve worked very hard,” she said. “I think it’s heroic.”

Gilbert smiled at the red-headed beauty, while she fixated on the newest member of Avonlea.

“Ten years, I worked on that ship, and that’s the first nice thing anybody’s got to say,” Bash responded.

She grew tired of their conversation, bid everyone farewell, and returned to her home. The events of that evening forced her to reconsider the plan she had set in motion.

…

It was Gilbert’s first day of school since his return. His correspondence with Anne had informed him that Miss Stacey would be his new teacher. Mr. Phillips had vacated his position after Prissy Andrews left him at the altar earlier in the year. He would soon discover other instances that had taken place during his absence.

Harsh winters made the walk generally long, but he could not complain, for Anne and her stories accompanied him today.

“So you see, Gil, I intended to make my hair a beautiful raven black,” she explained. “Marilla calls me vain, but what else was I supposed to do with this wretched hair?” 

“Oh, I wouldn’t call it that. And while I do miss your hair, I think I can better admire your eyes this way.”

She looked away from him for a moment, before giving him a sly smile.

“You really miss my hair?”

Her long, copper hair was worn scarcely below her ear. But if anyone were to tease her, he knew that he would make himself known to them. For the eight months that he had been gone, all he had were her letters to ensure that she was content, safe. Now he would finally be able to give her more, because she deserved to know.

“Yes,” he answered. “But not as much as I missed you.”

Every word she spoke thereafter was full of longing. He had deliberated for months on his pending arrival, and if it was at all necessary. This moment was worth every day of his tedious labour.

“Gilbert!” Charlie Sloane, his oblivious best friend, cried out.

They had reached the schoolhouse, and Anne hurried into the building. He hung his coat and was welcomed by a group of boys. While he answered their questions, he noticed a tall boy envelop Anne into his arms.

He would learn that Anne was not the most reliable narrator, and that her letters failed to convey the feelings of her heart. Perhaps she was equally unaware of this, but someone in the room recognised Gilbert’s agony. Someone in a position of change.

...

If you're searching for a happier Shirbert tale, you can find my other work: <https://archiveofourown.org/works/15186521/chapters/35219273>


	2. If You Want Me To

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Winter is the worst season to love. Anne and Gilbert find this out the hard way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think, and thank you for all the kudos, comments, and love! If you want to talk, you can find me on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/celestial_holmes/)
> 
> Up Next: Love is cold.

Anne frolicked in the winter mist with a fair gentleman by her side. He drew her into his arms, as they contemplated one another. A gentle breeze caused her focus to shift to a nearby tree, which saddened her greatly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, noticing the greying of her irises.

When Anne was upset, she became tacit. Her expression seemed distant, glancing beyond the school house. Unperturbed, he asked her again. 

“I was just thinking,” she replied. 

“It’s about Gilbert, isn’t it?”

“How-”

She met his cobalt eyes and knew, she could not lie to him.

…

“They’ve been inseparable since you left.”

Diana Barry and Gilbert Blythe admired the couple from inside the classroom. Normally, the students would spend recess outdoors, but that morning had been gelid. Gilbert found the climate more difficult to adjust to since his travels to Trinidad. However, Anne’s conquest was to no one’s surprise, as they knew she would willingly embark into a storm just to watch nature in all its glory.

“What did I miss?” he asked the brunette.

“I can’t remember how it started, it was so long ago. But I watched him stand up for Anne, we all did. Soon, they began to do everything together. He writes her stories, and letters-”

“Does she like him?”

Gilbert studied Diana’s body language, searching for the truth. She must have perceived this, he thought, as she averted her gaze.

Her answer was pronounced, his reply was not.

“I wrote her too,” he said. His voice wavered, as he tried to mask his grief. “She wrote to me, you know. I met her in Charlottetown, before I left. We both promised to correspond.”

“Gil, I just don’t think it’s the same anymore.”

Never had he imagined that he could recoil at the sound of his own name, but a sense of apprehension overcame him. He returned to his desk, and busied himself with scientific inquiry. Questions would plague his mind for the rest of the day.

…

Gilbert insisted on walking Anne home, as a “thank you for this morning”.

Privately, Anne had longed to hear him confess that there was something he wanted to discuss with her. Numerous letters had been exchanged between them. He had taken to calling her  _ Carrots _ , while she teased him affectionately. Their conversations were bold and brazen.

Yet she looked at him dubiously. With every stride, she felt more aware of his presence. Each word he uttered allowed her to truly examine his features. There was a darkness under his eyes, from a lack of sleep. It demonstrated his assiduousness, industrious in labour and in every aspect of life. She imagined his nimble hands turning wood into a humble cabin with only the serrated edges of a saw.  

The sharpness of his jaw made him look older, wiser. The crevices of his lips, everything made her yearn for more. It seemed surreal that this was the same boy she had inscribed her emotions to, that she had addressed dozens of missives. 

In that moment, Anne had forgotten the shivers that circulated her body. She paid no heed to the landscape before her. Instead, she immersed herself into his chest. Slowly, she tilted her chin to meet his, leaning into him. She closed her eyes, mesmerised by the sensation of his body pressed against her. 

What she had not prepared herself for was the immediate withdrawal. His rejection. 

“Anne, I - I can’t.”


	3. Anywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anne with a cold and Gilbert with the love bug.

Anne’s world had once again shifted. Gilbert Blythe felt like an enigma to her. He had written to her, and her solely, when he was gone. She knew this because Josie Pye had chastised her from mentioning his name, and Ruby Gillis had mourned his absence every day.

Upon his arrival, Gilbert had complimented her hair and said he missed her. He called her Carrots, but only affectionately. There was nothing mean-spirited to him, not anymore. These items were not unique individually, but to her recollection, he had never done any of those things for another girl. If travel had made him soft, Anne wondered if it would do the same for someone like Josie.

“I don’t understand,” was all she could say.

Gilbert knew that if he leaned into her, he wouldn’t be able to restrain himself. She was shivering, just like his father had before he died. He needed to protect her.

So rather than declare his love for her, he said, “Anne, your body temperature is dropping rapidly. We need to get you home to prevent you from getting hypothermia.”

They scrambled to Green Gables in a fury, Anne full of embarrassment and Gilbert of concern.

…

Anne would miss the next few days at school, just as Gilbert had predicted.

Marilla was startled when he visited Green Gables the next morning.

“Gilbert, shouldn’t you be at school today?” she asked.

“I figured I’ve been gone so long that I can afford to skip a few more classes.”

He followed her into the home, answering Marilla’s questions.

“How is Bash doing today?”

“He’s been hibernating ever since we left Trinidad. I don’t think he’ll be awake until noon.”

“Did the journey tire him so?”

“No, he’s still adapting to the cold.”

She stifled a laugh, leading the boy upstairs.

“Has Anne seen the doctor?” he questioned.

“No. I would’ve sent Jerry, but I don’t think it’s necessary. The rest will do her good, Lord knows the child never stops working. You’ll be the first to see her, but take precautions. I wouldn’t want you to get sick too.”

They entered Anne’s room, and Marilla pulled out a chair for him to sit on.

“I have to finish making breakfast, would you like something to eat?”

Gilbert shook his head, “I’ve already eaten, but thank you. Please let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

She nodded, quietly adding, “Thank you for bringing her home in one piece yesterday, it was very kind of you.”

Before he could respond, Marilla was already downstairs.

He pulled the chair closer to Anne, and instinctively reached for her forehead. She looked peaceful in her sleep, like a paragon of virtue. It was a contrast to the woman in Trinidad who he had helped give birth. A tranquility unlike any he had ever seen, bestowed upon Anne’s face. Gilbert realised he had never seen her so serene.

Even when she was ill, Anne was beautiful to him. He could not help but find himself distracted by her grace. This was an Anne he would remember always.

Her temperature was warm, but only moderately. By his calculations, she had a slight fever and a cold. In a few days, he hoped she would return to school.

In the moments before her waking, he took the opportunity to whisper into her ear.

“Anne, I’m sorry about yesterday. I would’ve done the same if you had not been so unwell.”

He stroked her hair before he withdrew his hand from her face. Her eyes fluttered open, as she slowly turned her head.

“Gilbert?”

Marilla returned with a tray and broth.

“You should be thankful Gilbert brought you home when he did yesterday.” She passed the cup to Anne, “Drink this while it’s warm.”

…

Anne took small sips of the stock, as Gilbert admired her.

“What?” she croaked when she found him smiling.

“I told you I’d beat you fair and square.”

When Gilbert’s father had been sick, Mr. Phillips had assigned Anne to deliver his school work to his house. Here he sat, by her bedside, but without any books.

Noting that Anne was transfixed by his empty hands, he explained himself.

“I wasn’t going to give myself the advantage today, so I thought I’d see how you were doing. You gave me quite the fright yesterday.”

She nodded dully, finishing her remedy. Words did not come to her, but drowsiness did. Slumber soon overcame her, when Gilbert began to discuss her symptoms. Medical jargon and the joy of learning new words could not keep Anne awake today. Her interest was lost only by her body’s weakness.

Gilbert had done everything right that day, except:

_Anne, I’m sorry about yesterday. I would’ve done the same if you had not been so unwell._

If he had waited one more minute to say those words, Anne would have known.

<https://www.instagram.com/celestial_holmes/>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading - every comment, kudos, subscription, and bookmark means the world to me. Please let me know what you think, and don't be a stranger! Please let me know what you think and chat on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/celestial_holmes/)
> 
> Up Next: Anne has trouble remembering her history with Gilbert, and she's the only one who doesn't seem to notice. Someone else does, and makes sure to give her trouble.


	4. I Would've

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilbert tries to speak to Anne, as she falls for another.

“Anne, do you not find Gilbert even more handsome since he’s returned?” Diana asked.

It was her first day back to school, and the memories of her illness were still a blur in her mind. The ground beneath her crossed legs felt harder than before, as her classmates laughed in the background. Miss Stacey believed in hands-on learning, which meant the class rarely used their desks. Instead, they sat on the wooden floor, experimenting and having discussions.

Her gaze fell to the opposite side of the circle they had formed, where a petite girl sat. Ruby appeared to be daydreaming, and Anne couldn’t help but be bothered by the reminder that Gilbert occupied most her musings.

Josie turned at the mention of Gilbert’s name, but Anne dismissed her. Cole had taught Anne to be more obstinate, which allowed her to overcome the devastating effects of their class hierarchy. The popular girl used barbaric remarks to torment her into submission, to the extreme of telling her that she couldn’t as much as look at Gilbert because Ruby fancied him. 

Anne learnt to stand up for herself when she saw Billy Andrews treat Cole the same way. Together, they rebuffed the scoundrels and became the closest of allies. 

While Anne knew that Ruby’s infatuation with Gilbert was unrequited, she didn’t know how to look at him after that incident. She had imprudently thrust herself at him, and he had refused her. Did he not care for her at all?

Gilbert, however, did not share her sentiment. As if Diana had beckoned him, he planted himself beside Anne. 

“And what are we talking about today?” he asked.

“We were talking about you,” Diana responded.

He peered at Anne, “Is that so?”

She shunned him, glaring at Diana.

Gilbert acknowledged her reluctance, and inquired after her health.

“Are you feeling better?” he asked.

“How can a person feel better knowing that no one could possibly love them?” she retorted.

“Anne, that’s not what I meant-”

But she was already walking towards Cole. They immersed themselves in a conversation about art, as he sketched her dashing across the fields of Avonlea.

...

The truth was, Anne was not feeling better. She had not been better for the last few days. Begrudgingly, she was realising that a tragical romance was not what she wanted at all. Who she wanted was Gilbert, but he made her feel like a dolt. 

Cole, on the other hand, was the only person who truly understood her. Him, Aunt Jo, and Matthew. There were times when even her dearest Diana did not speak to her soul. With Cole, things were much simpler. He accepted her, as a free spirit and all, and her world became more enchanted by his presence. Sometimes, they did not even require words to know what the other was thinking, and Anne found that most alluring.

...

He and Diana looked at each other in confusion.

Gilbert didn’t understand. Days ago, Anne had been inches away from being his. She now treated him like a stranger. They had written to one another, and not once had she mentioned Cole. It was as if he had replaced him in Anne’s life, without notice and without reason.

“I’m sorry about Anne,” Diana said. “She’s been very cross lately, although I can’t imagine why. It’s a good thing she’s with Cole, he always cheers her up. Anyway, I was wondering if you could help me with question 32?”

Gilbert nodded, as they discussed math problems together. Anne noticed them laughing out of the corner of her eye, before her attention reverted to Cole’s portrait of her. He made her look beautiful, and for a moment she felt like she deserved it too. 

It was moments like this, with Cole, that Anne began to love herself. 

…

Once class was dismissed, Gilbert’s eyes immediately searched the room for Anne. When he reached for the coat rack, he noticed that her belongings were nowhere to be seen. Through the foggy windows, he made out two red figures in the distance. They appeared to be close, arm-in-arm, walking gallantly through the snow. Of course it  _ had  _ to be Cole and Anne. 

Before he could lament any further, Diana came to his side. 

“Would you care for a walk home?” she offered politely. 

He obliged, like any proper gentleman would.

“Gil, why do you look so forlorn?” Diana asked, as winter’s cold breeze welcomed them.

Seeing that no other knew Anne as she did, he confided in her.

“Diana, do you think Anne hates me?”

“No, I do not. She does not speak ill of you as she used to. Rather, she does not speak of you at all. I believe that she’s trying to forget you.”

“Why would Anne try to forget me?”

“Because she likes another.”

_ Why does she need to forget about me to be with Cole? Why does she need to forget me at all? What have I done to make her so cold? _

He considered the possibilities, before relaying the events of their last walk to Diana. Her brown eyes darkened, she grew silent, and it worried him.

“Diana?” he whispered.

“Yes?”

“I asked you why Anne won’t speak to me.”

She pondered before asking, “Gil, did you kiss her?”

“No.”

“Did you hold her in your arms?”

“No.”

“Good,” she suserated. 

“I beg your pardon?”

“I mean, I think Anne is afraid of you. Your travels changed you, and maybe you’re not the same boy she felt like she wrote letters to. It’s best that you leave her alone.”

Gilbert found Diana’s interpretation anomalous, but accepted that she knew Anne’s interests better than he. Maybe it was too late for him. But that didn’t stop the searing in his heart, wishing that Anne would speak to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and please leaves kudos or comments to let me know what you think of this chapter! If you'd like to talk, you can find me on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/celestial_holmes/).
> 
> Up Next: A ball, a lie, and many broken hearts.


	5. Followed You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part. 1 of the ball saga.

“Why don’t you just go and talk to her?” Bash asked Gilbert one day.

The boy had been sulking around the house for weeks, mostly keeping to himself and his school books. While Gilbert may have been a fool, Bash knew that the matter concerned a certain red-headed girl who had stolen his heart.

“I can’t, she won’t even look at me at school,” he replied.

Usually when he asked Gilbert about Anne, he denied having any feelings for her. This was the first time he truly opened up to him, and Bash smiled at the small victory.

“Then why don’t you try going to her house to straighten things out?” he suggested.

Before Gilbert could make a decision, there was a knock at the door. Bash returned to his duties, leaving the boy to welcome Diana into the home.

Her visits had become regular and frequent since his incident with Anne. He agreed to help her in math, in exchange for her advice. Their sessions had been so successful that she now rivalled him and Anne as the top student of the class. Gilbert was secretly pleased with this result, noticing how proud Anne had become of her dear friend’s accomplishments.

Today, they focused on linear algebra. After two hours of their exchange, Diana paused. She placed her hand over his before speaking, “Gilbert, there’s something I’d like to ask you.”

He nodded, anxiously pulling his hand away from her.

Diana continued, “Every year, my Great-Aunt Josephine hosts a ball in Charlottetown. I’ve been given permission to go this year, but I require a male chaperone to accompany me. I was wondering if you’d like to come?”

“Will Anne be there?” he asked.

“If Marilla allows her.”

“Then I’d be happy to come.”

She gave him the details on the event, and thanked him before leaving.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that lady has a crush on you,” Bash remarked, wistfully watching her shadow return towards the Barry farm.

“Who, Diana? She’s just a friend.”

“A friend who comes here every day just to spend time with the likes of you.”

“I’m tutoring her.”

“Then tell me what she asked for today.”

Bash folded his arms, waiting for Gilbert to announce the invitation.

“She wants me to take her to a ball.”

“See? What did I tell you? It’s just like that Cinderella story.”

“Anne will be there too.”

“But is Anne coming with you?”

This silenced the boy for a minute, before he surmised that Diana must have a plan in mind to help him.

...

Anne had not accompanied them on the carriage. He could not identify her on the train. It was only when they arrived at the platform, that her and Cole emerged from the freight cart.

“What are you doing?” Diana hissed at them.

“Hello Diana,” Anne said, glaring at Gilbert with disdain. “Marilla agreed to let me go. We were waiting for you, but you didn’t come. Jerry brought us to the station, but we didn’t have enough money,” Anne responded.

“Very well, follow us,” Diana instructed.

Gilbert had an ominous feeling that something was amiss, as they ambled into the twilight.

…

“Oh dear, I didn’t know that there would be four of you. I hope you don’t mind sharing rooms,” Aunt Josephine declared.

Sharing a room with Cole was the last thing Gilbert wanted, but the other boy didn’t seem to mind. After dinner, Gilbert hurried into bed to avoid any conversation. As he closed his eyes, he couldn’t help but overhear a familiar voice.

“What do you mean? You brought her here, you’re her escort.”

Another voice responded, but this time, more placidly, “I don’t think it’s like that. She’s still upset about him.”

“Has she said anything about it?”

“No, but all her stories are about a boy who left and never came back.”

“That’s ridiculous. She likes you, do something.”

“But-”

“Who does she spend all of her time with? Who makes her happy? You love her, don’t you?”

“Yes-”

“Then go make her happy. She doesn’t like him anymore. You have to do something before she falls into her depths of despair.”

“But what about him?”

“He’ll be fine. I’ll take care of him.”

Gilbert made a move to get up, but the voices grew silent. Slowly, he returned to his side and fell asleep before anyone could investigate the situation further.

... 

He awoke early that morning, in search of Anne. Overhearing last night’s conversation left him with one conclusion: he had to talk to her. It was too suspicious to assume that the matters were anything but malicious. Before Gilbert could confirm his suspicions, Miss Barry joined him at the breakfast table.

“A little early today, are we?” she asked him.

Her dress was embroidered blue, and certainly more regal than whatever she had worn the day before. Gilbert stood up as she entered the room, “Good morning, Miss-”

But the lady waved her hands in protest. “Aunt Josephine will do just fine,” she said. “Don’t make me feel older than I already do.”

He smiled at her, recognising why Anne considered her to be a  _ kindred spirit _ .

“Oh, I don’t consider you old at all,” he replied. “I’ve always addressed women as miss.”

“I hope you don’t go around calling married women that,” she chided. 

“I-”

“What’s the matter boy?”

Gilbert was amazing at her ability to perceive his emotions, despite knowing him only as a stranger.

“You look like a boy who went looking for gold and came back with coal,” she continued. “And a terrible liar, I might add. I do hope for your own good that you’re an honest soul.”

He nodded, stunned by her deductions. “I just realised that something I thought was gold is actually just coal.”

“Then I suggest to you that you are even closer to finding gold than you were before. A good explorer does not betray his own heart.”

With that, Gilbert thanked her and went upstairs to change into his formal attire for the party. Most of his earnings had been spent on overseeing his father’s affairs. Farming did not provide much revenue, and thus he brought with him one black suit he had saved for special occasions. It was not that he anticipated that there would be much cause for it, but it was nice to be surprised sometimes. 

Upon exiting the room, he found himself faced with none other than Anne herself.

“Is Cole in there?” she asked with a distinct malevolent undertone.

“No, but I do need to speak to you.”

She turned away from him, but could feel his grip on her shoulder.

“Let me go,” Anne demanded.

“Not until you listen. This is important,” he said.

Gilbert knew too well that Anne’s curiosity was her Achilles’ heel, and grinned sheepishly as the copper-haired beauty turned towards him. 

His hand fell from her shoulder to her wrist, brushing across her arm in its momentum. A gentle touch of a lover’s hand was all she desired, but Anne would not allow herself to become distracted by Gilbert Blythe.

Instead, she rolled her eyes at his amusement and asked, “What?”

His merriment disappeared, and Anne could not resist but walking closer to him. The control he had over her body, even when she was cross with him, vexed her immensely. But that did not stop her from wanting more.

“Anne,” he began. Oh how he wanted to tell her that she looked so magnificent in her long, green dress. That he’d write her twice the sonnets Cole did, about how her hair radiated the entire room. However, Gilbert was not the performer Anne was. His apprehension dictated most of his life, so instead he prayed that stroking her arm with his thumb could reassure her of his unconveyed feelings.

“There’s something dreadfully wrong going on,” he continued clumsily. “Sometime after dinner, I heard Diana talking to Cole. She’s been lying to you, Anne. She’s been lying to both of us-”

A loud gasp echoed the floor, and by the virtue of circumstance, Diana materialised from behind Gilbert. She huffed away from the pair, as Anne grimaced at him before following her friend.

He stood there, with a prickled heart, watching the woman he loved run away from him yet again. Meanwhile, Aunt Josephine’s butler, Rollings, was somewhere in the manor shaking his head at how obvious it all was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave some kudos if you enjoyed it, and don't be afraid to let me know what you think!


	6. Say Something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The chapter you've all been waiting for: the ball, part 2, where Anne and Gil speak at last.

Voices filled the mansion, and despite his own mortification, Gilbert knew how improper it would be to spend the entire party hidden away on the second floor. He would have to confront Anne eventually, but allowed her to relish in the festivities of the evening first.

Intrigued by the challenge before him, he returned to the hall, and was taken aback by its grandeur. Assorted flowers hung from the ceiling, while people of all sorts mingled. One man had travelled from Spain, while a woman presented herself as a teacup. International delicacies filled the trays, and Gilbert reached for a dish that was garnished with yoghurt.

“ _ Manti _ , similar to ravioli,” a voice explained.

He turned around to find Rollings almost smiling. The man’s plate appeared empty, and it dawned upon him that he had been tirelessly devoting his time to the event’s success.

“Allow me,” he said, moving aside so the ageing man could try some Manti. 

Rollings returned moments later, with a hearty meal in his hands. He continued, “Inside the dough, you will taste ground beef. It is commonly served with yoghurt, to compliment the heat of the spices.” 

Savouring his first bite, Gilbert was amazed by the flavours of the dish. Bash often mocked him for his interest in simple meals, and had introduced him to various seasonings since their acquaintance. However, his friend’s cooking was vastly different from this.

“It’s amazing,” he exclaimed. “I can’t say I’ve had anything like it.”

“And you never will. Each item here is different, and represents a certain culture. The flowers are inspired by Japanese gardens, the curry is Indian, and Manti is from the Ottoman Empire.” 

Rollings was usually reserved, but his knowledge about the world inspired Gilbert.

“Have you travelled to any of these countries?” he asked the man.

“You don’t need to travel to learn. We have so many friends in this room, it is like the world came to us,” he stated.

The boy accepted this view, as his gaze wandered to a certain girl in the room.

“You really should do something about that,” Rollings whispered, walking away swiftly.

Gilbert did not need any more persuasion, as he mustered the courage to speak to Anne. Finding her was a greater challenge than he anticipated, as she socialised with many people in short intervals. Alas, her red hair made her distinguished, even more so when adorned with a floral coronet. Many others in the room wore one as well, he noticed, glancing at a colourful arrangement over Rolling’s bald head. None, of course, were as radiant as her.

“Anne, can I-” he started.

“Humiliate me again?” she cried.

In any other scenario, this would have called some attention. However, partially because the room was at its maximum capacity, and that  _ Aida _ was playing in the background, few people noticed Anne’s distress.

Regardless, Gilbert did not want to make a scene, and pulled her aside. They walked outside, to the hallway of the ballroom.

He tried again, “Look Anne, I just wanted to-”

“Ruin my life?”

“No, I wanted to make it up to you.”

She regarded him pensively, wondering what he wanted to make up for, before retorting, “By telling me that my dearest friend in the whole world has been lying to me?”

“Anne, if you’d just listen to me. I know for a fact that Diana doesn’t want you here.”

“And how would you know that?”

“Because she’s been lying to me too, Anne. She told me not to talk to you because you love Cole.”

Gilbert prayed that she would listen to him, regardless of how absurd the circumstances seemed to her. To his relief, her face softened, replacing anger with concern. Emotion overcame her, as she asked, “Then why did you listen to her?”

_ Were all my efforts done in vain? _ he thought. 

It had been her who was so perverse in the face of compromise. She had evaded his attempts to reconcile, but he knew she could not be reasoned with anger. While it had been a most unpleasant month for him to be absent from her life, did she even realise what he had endured? Did she think any of this was easy for him?

“What else was I supposed to do?” he asked. “You kept ignoring me, Anne. You wouldn’t even look me in the eye when I tried talking to you.”

But she met his gaze squarely now. Puzzling as ever, her grey-green eyes gave him no answer, and he held his breath hoping for consolation.

“That’s because I was upset about the day you walked me home. I wanted you to kiss me,” she said. 

Her eyes glistened at the word  _ kiss _ , and it took every measure of restraint to keep him from silencing her with his lips. All he could think of was:  _ Anne Shirley-Cuthbert wants to kiss me. _

His body naturally pulled her into a waltz, like he had been doing it all his life. Like he would do it for the rest of his and her life. There were many happy couples inside the ballroom, but the rest of the manor was theirs. No music would match the melody of their hearts against each other, a symphony of admission.

“Gil!” Anne exclaimed, as his arm enclosed against her waist.

For once, she did not protest. When he reached for her, he was met by a hand that endorsed him wholly. Their bodies moved as their mouths could not, but it was not long before she broke the silence.

“Why didn’t you kiss me?” she asked.

Her lips were parted, quivering at the question.

_ Am I not obvious? _ He pondered.  _ Have we not been over this? _

“I couldn’t, because I couldn't let you freeze to death!” Upon his words, her head tilted away from him. He added with conviction, “I wanted to kiss you too, Anne,  _ honest _ .”

“But you didn’t.”

_ Does she not remember what I said? _

“And I told you I couldn’t when I came to see you, the first day that you were sick.”

“I didn’t hear you,” she breathed.

There was a hint of doubt in her voice that made it seem like a question. She didn’t remember. Had he been talking to himself?

“Maybe you were asleep,” he said. That had to be it.

“Well it doesn’t matter, because it’s too late.”

He could feel her drifting from him, emotionally she was lost at sea. Oh how he wanted to be her captain, to guide her home - to him.

“But Anne-” he broke. This couldn’t be it.

In one swift move, her arms slipped away from him. He tried to hold onto her hands, but she was stronger than he estimated.

“Eight months you were gone, and you expected nothing to change?"

_ What is she talking about?  _

“Is this about me leaving?” he asked. “I won’t go again if you don’t want me to. Anne, I’ll do whatever you want.”

As he moved forward, she moved backwards.

“So you were planning on leaving  **_again_ ** ?” she asked.

“Anne, I want to become a doctor. To go to medical school, and make a life for myself. There’s a whole world outside of Avonlea, I want you to see it too.”

“Are you asking me to come with you?”

“If you’d like, yes. Please do. Please come with me.”

He held out his hand, and they walked towards an indoor courtyard on the east corner of the house. Marble beams and large arches marked the entrance to the garden-like entity. Aunt Josephine had described the room as  _ a haven from the howling nature of winter _ . Primrose, jasmine, and violets, amongst countless other flowers, surrounded them. They sat on a chaise next to the display, Anne immersed by the sight before them.

The scent she emitted was like lavender, and he could not help but breathe her in. Discreetly, he added a flower into her circlet. What surprised him most was her silken, flowing hair, that slid between his fingers with ease. There was no doubt that he could do this for the rest of his life, but could she?

“Gilbert?” Anne turned towards him.

“Yes?” he mused, concentrating on her beauty.

“Why did you leave?”

His agitation grew, with the desire for peace left unattained.

“It’s what my father would’ve wanted,” he said simply.

Her voice detracted him from teasing with her hair, but she persisted.

“And what do you want?”

_ Isn’t it evident? _

“I want you,” he said. Had he not been uttering that to her throughout the night? Maybe now would be a good time to-

“Gilbert, it’s too late,” she interrupted his thoughts.

Soon after, he would feel the universe collapsing around him - an obliterated mess that belonged to him, and him alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and please let me know your thoughts! Kudos and all your love is always appreciated!


	7. I'm Giving Up On You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gilbert tries to seduce Anne with her love of Jane Austen. Dancing ensues.

_ Gilbert, it’s too late. _

Engina pricked at his heart, as the air in his lungs felt constricted by the space between him and Anne. Everything around them suddenly felt cumbersome, weighing him down as he struggled to breathe. His future felt more vague than ever, images of marital bliss flashed with the sight of a red-haired woman leaving him.

Jane Austen had described love to be violent, but this would be the bane of his existence. To be without Anne, the thought in itself, shattered his soul.

“Why?” he croaked. “I wrote to you every chance I had. Fervently, feverishly, all I thought of was you”

“Because thinking wasn’t enough,” she replied.

His hand fell from her hair to the chair. Her touch was intoxicating, and the more he longed for it, the more it burned him.

“I don’t understand,” he said. “I came back - for you.” 

He had thought of her every day he had been away, eager to return to her warm arms. It was the vision of her in white that had kept him going, and made him happiest. Yet here was his  _ Anne _ , pulling away from him yet again.

“You were gone for a long time,” she said. “Things changed.”

“What changed? I’m here now.”

“ _ This _ changed, Gil. It doesn’t feel the same.”

How he longed to silence her at once, to show her that the only thing that had changed was how much they had grown. That she looked taller now, her head bowed at his chin. Her hair looked like wine when it glistened in the sun, but he loved the hues of crimson as much as the copper. And her face looked more determined now, but there was a sadness to it he could not dismiss. Something he could not understand in their silence.

“We’re not supposed to be the same, Queen Anne,” he mused. Bash had suggested the nickname to him, after pointing out how domineering Anne was in their relationship. Gilbert didn’t mind her upper hand on most days, but today was not one of them. He pressed on, to challenge her words. “Jane Austen once wrote that  _ there are as many forms of love as there are moments in time _ . Don’t you think it would be a shame if we were always the same?”

“It would, but can’t love change too? Can’t it change from a passionate love to one of camaraderie?”

_ Did she love him? _

“I think a passionate, romantic love is different. It is unconditional, and only changes into something that is stronger,” he said, his eyes never leaving her.

“Doesn’t it risk extinction all the same?” she asked. “What if love is too strong, that it dies?”

He reached for her hand, and held it to his lips. This was the violence of love, and he was unafraid to fight its battles.

“Is this too strong?” he asked, kissing her fingertips.

She nodded, her shoulders stiffening at his touch. 

He stood up in frustration, brushing away from her rejection. “What am I killing, when I do this only to show you how I feel?”

“My heart.”

“Excuse me?”

Anne’s voice quivered, “My body seems to escape me in your presence. When we saw each other in Charlottetown, I was exhilarated to see you. Talking to you felt comfortable, I wanted it to stay that way. Reading your letters felt like home, it made sense.”

“And now?”

“I can’t explain it, but something as simple as the rotation of the world exceeds my capacity to understand. There’s just this blur, in my mind. My heart beats so rapidly I just - I just want it to stop. Please make it stop,” she pleaded.

“Then come here,” he ushered, standing beneath the garden arch.

She hesitated, testing his patience once again.

“Or I suppose I’ll finish reading Pride and Prejudice upstairs,” he offered mischievously.

Gilbert knew how Anne loathed to be behind in her studies. Miss Stacey had assigned additional readings for them, as they were both ahead in their class. He was aware that she had only read three quarters of the novel, thanks to Diana. It was a small advantage from the girl who had separated him from his lover, but he would use the knowledge to his benefit.

Anne rose from the chaise to stop him from rushing upstairs, her hand pushing against his shoulder. His arm lowered it to his chest, their fingers intertwined. 

“Can you feel that?” he asked.

His heart raced against her palm, slowly synchronising with her own.

“I’ve always felt this way around you, Anne. It’s caused you and I some grief, with my foolish ways, but it isn’t all tragic. My heart beats on, thanks to you.”

She glowered at him, and he continued, “I’m sorry, but it’s just how I feel. Sometimes I have trouble saying the right thing, because I don’t want to upset you. But what can I do, other than love you?”

For once, Anne was speechless. Nothing had prepared her for such a confession, and certainly not from Gilbert. She turned away, but he propelled her back to him. Music from the ballroom echoed across the halls, and he could not resist the urge to hold her. To pull her closer to him. With the hunger of a beast, he explored her body wholly. 

One hand rested at her neck, with hers behind his waist. The other allowed him to explore her upper body, tracing circles around her back. He hoped that it would soothe her, so she could see that they were meant to be.

They began to sway, gently waltzing to the melody. Her right hand fixated on his sleeve, trying to expand the gap he worked to narrow. In his efforts to seduce her, he cupped her face, propulsing her onto him. Their bodies collided, and without warning, her lips suddenly pressed against him.

Gilbert would have vowed that electricity emitted from her mouth, if he had not been a man of science. He could breathe her air, amazed by the strength it gave him. No one, not even Anne, knew of this. But he would tell her, every day for the rest of his and her life.

He would remind her of how she bewitched him so intensely. Then he would detail her as a siren of the island, raging against the storm with her tenacity. How his nerves were awoken by her touch, rebirthing him as a man. He would-

But his thoughts were interrupted by the same lips that gave him life. He felt a drop on his hand as she broke away, “I’m so sorry, Gil.”

By the time he opened his eyes, she was already gone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and please let me know what you think! Your kudos, comments, subscriptions, and endless support mean the world to me. 
> 
> Up Next: Hearts can only be mended by the women of Avonlea, so Miss Barry and Rachel Lynde take their sides of the battle. "Something wicked this way comes."


	8. And I Am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Enmity is greatly restricted when certain proclivities are not permitted.

Gilbert didn’t understand. He had poured his heart out to Anne, and not only had he been rebuffed, but entirely humiliated. She had danced with him, leaving traces of her scent all over his body. How was he to pretend none of that had happened? To pretend that he didn’t want more?

The garden no longer felt like a sanctuary, and he retired to the party to avoid Anne. If she was upstairs, he would remain down here. Unable to entrust in Diana and Cole, he mingled with the social elites of the event. Rollings was quick to notice his disappoint, and Gilbert was soon met with Aunt Josephine.

She walked with him to a segregated corner of the hall, “What did she say?”

“I beg your pardon?” he asked.

The savant regarded him intensely before quipping, “Do you mistake me for a fool, boy? I may be old, but blind I am not. We all saw your ravenous pining for the girl.”

“I don’t-”

“You told me earlier that you were looking for gold. I’d say you’ve found it.”

He heaved before explaining his dire consequence, “Anne said it was too late, that things changed between us. When I kissed her fingertips, she said it felt too strong. We danced, she pulled into me-”

“And then?”

“I don’t know. All I know is she was there, against my lips, and then she wasn’t. She had gone when I opened my eyes.”

Aunt Josephine pondered his dilemma before revealing, “My boy, I think you’ve scared her.” 

“But all I did was show her how I feel,” he said. “Isn’t that what love is?”

“There are more ways to show your affections for a person than touching them,” Aunt Josephine explained. “Anne drew you a boundary and you crossed it. And now you ask me why she’s hurt.”

Gilbert was silenced by her advice. He had always imagined love as a passionate thing, like whatever had gone on between Prissy Andrews and Mr. Phillips. All anyone talked about when it came to romance was kissing, even Anne.  _ So what did love look like? _

“Then what am I to do?” he asked. “What am I supposed to do?”

“You wait,” she replied. “And she might never be ready, but the last thing you should ever do is write their future for them. Gold or not, you have to let people choose what they want.”

He nodded, swallowing his pride with his appetite for the worldly cuisine around him.

…

Diana was aghast when Aunt Josephine insisted on accompanying the children home.

“But my parents, they don’t know you’re coming,” she persisted.

“All the more reason to surprise them,” the woman exclaimed.

In the carriage, the five of them sat tightly and wordlessly. Even Cole, the only one who could parallel Anne in speech, was silent. It was only when Aunt Josephine complained, that Gilbert bitterly spoke.

“It seems that some of us were deceived about your ball, so you remain the only loyal party here.”

“Nonsense,” she scolded him. “Whatever quibbles there are do not excuse you from having decent manners. Avonlea is a small town, do not make it smaller than it is.”

They nodded, and Cole suggested playing a word game. While Anne and Gilbert avoided eye contact, they rejoiced in the cleverness of the game. By the time they arrived at the Barry’s, most of the informalities had been attended to. However, when Aunt Josephine invited the children to dine with her, the group dispersed hastily.

“How odd,” Mr. Barry noted, before welcoming Diana and her great-aunt into the home.

…

“Rachel, I should’ve known you were behind this.”

The old woman entered the chapel, her footsteps lightly treading the wooden floor.

“Josephine, well hello to you too.”

Mrs. Lynde shifted towards Miss Barry, who now sat beside her in the first pew.

“I didn’t know you had the heart to betray your dearest friend so,” Josephine said.

“And I didn’t know you to be one who interrupted good Christian women in church. But pray do tell me how I’m betraying Marilla,” Rachel Lynde chided.

“We both know you don’t come here to talk to God, Rachel.” Jo glared at her, “And to answer your question, by tarnishing her daughter’s future.”

Rachel sighed, “I’ll have you know, that was one party.”

Jo laughed, “Then explain to me why you smell like pudding.”

“If you had ten children, I think you’d forgive yourself for enjoying a treat or two every morning.” 

“The only treat I get is knowing Rollings hasn’t left my side all these years. If you pay them, Rachel, they’ll do anything for you.”

“Not all of us have that sort of money,” Rachel scoffed. 

“Payment isn’t only in money, you know. Offerings of food go a long way,” Jo reminded her.

“I think Marilla knows that.”

They both nodded, having appreciated the finer tastes in life. And the finer kind of bribery.

“She did that herself,” Rachel said abruptly. “Anne feels nothing for that poor boy, we can’t go on destroying him too.”

“She does feel something, and you know it. Lord knows with what the girl’s been through, it’s just too soon,” Jo shook her head.

“Enlighten me.”

“Not all men are like Thomas. Some are cruel, and not just to their wives and children. Now imagine what those orphanages were like.”

“That’s no excuse for her behaviour.”

“And what is? How much does she have to suffer before you get off your mighty high horse and look and what you’ve done?”

“She can’t-”

“She can. It’s her life, we have to let her decide for herself.”

“But what about Diana?”

“I’ll take care of her,” Jo assured her. “You’ve had it your way, and now none of them are speaking to each other. Let me handle this.”

As the baroness stood up, Rachel nodded. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For saving Thomas and I from that scoundrel years ago.”

“You’re welcome. I’ve dealt with my fair share of shams. Now how about we put this thing to rest?”

…

Diana would learn to never cross her Great-Aunt Josephine, while both Anne and Gilbert continued to break their own hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and please give this a comment or kudos if you enjoyed it!
> 
> Up Next: Aunt Jo goes on a mission, but even her forces can't stop the inevitable.


	9. Feeling So Small

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even Aunt Jo's forces can't stop the inevitable.

“So you just upped and kissed her?” Bash asked.

“I didn’t kiss her,” Gilbert said. 

Bash gave him a stern gaze, “Then what did you do to make her run away?”

“I don’t know.”

Gilbert had never seen his friend so serious, as he said, “You’ve really messed up this time, Blythe.”

He knew he had, but he had allowed himself to hope that perhaps there was a solution. That perhaps he had not lost Anne forever.

“So what do I do?” he croaked.

“We wait.”

…

There was a soft knock at the door, and Marilla’s voice filled Green Gables.

“I don’t know what happened to you at Charlottetown, but you’re going to politely answer the door.”

Anne stomped through the kitchen, muttering quotes from Macbeth. There were a great deal too many people she did not want to see, but was surprised to find Cole outside.

“Cole-” she began.

He nodded, “Good afternoon, Anne.”

They had not spoken since the soirée disaster, and Anne wasn’t sure what to feel.

“May I come in?” he asked.

Anne extended her arm, as he followed her upstairs and into her room.

“Aunt Jo scolded Diana terribly,” he explained. “I think she’s beginning to resent her actions.”

“As she should,” Anne stated, sitting on her bed. “Although I do thank her for saving me from a most imprudent decision.”

Cole looked perplexed, and Anne explained the circumstances that took place that night. Not that she wanted to, it just came out.

How Gilbert had imprinted himself all over her body, the hurt. The distance, not being around him, and it being the only time that she felt like she could breathe. 

His return had become insufferable.

While she was still upset with Diana for scheming with Rachel Lynde against her, part of her was grateful for Gilbert’s ruin. Whatever feelings she had conjured in her mind were surely mistaken, because holding him felt like suffocating in debris. All her dreams about the ball had been devastated by his touch, and her memory was left scarred.

She did not notice that her body was trembling until Cole asked her what was wrong. It had been simpler to say that she was cold, or perhaps imagining that there were some fearsome creatures in her presences, but neither excuse came to mind. Instead, Anne found herself confiding in him, detailing the pain she longed to forget.

“Why can I still feel the hurt?” she cried. “Like wounds of glass, searing into my skin? Why won’t it stop?”

He closed the door for privacy, and crouched beside her. After pondering for a moment, he responded, “I think sometimes we hurt to remember that we exist. That maybe the scars remind us that we’re not just imagining that we are here. Maybe pain is the thing that keeps us going.”

“But I don’t want to keep going,” she whispered. 

Cole brushed away loose hairs from her face, holding her chin towards him.

“Anne, look at me,” he said firmly.

She obeyed him, but only because she felt too helpless to do anything else. Despite the distortion of her own blurred vision, Cole felt familiar. They had not known each other too long, but for the length of a year, they had shared almost every intimate moment of their lives. His eyes were examining her now, and she felt as if he could read her mind - a feeling unlike any other. 

Marilla could sense the birth of her folly, and Diana could make judgements about whom she liked and disliked, but Cole understood the tragedy of her soul. Somehow, she felt less broken as his fingers grazed over her tears. There was a sadness to him, she knew, that spoke to her own.

His words fell against her ears, “Let’s pretend we have stopped, that there is no pain. Tell me, how do you feel?”

All coherence failed her, and he smiled.

“The pain is part of you, don’t you see? No one else has experienced exactly what you have, it makes you extraordinary. I can’t promise that it will stop hurting, but there will be new things that will make you forget the old things sometimes. Maybe just for a second, but there can be good too. And if it ever feels like the world is ending, you can come to me and we’ll face it together.”

“Promise?” she asked.

“I promise.”

His arms surrounded her, as he stroked her back until she was laughing again.

_ Thank you _ was all she could say, wondering how she had been so blind, thinking that a doctor was the only one who could save her.

…

It was a few days later that she was able to articulate some meaning to the word love. Curious, she found Matthew in the barn that morning, raking the hay. It was Jerry’s day off, and she relished in the moment.

“Good morning, Matthew,” she chimed. “Don’t you find the weather so romantical today?”

“Morning, Anne. I suppose it is,” he mused.

Eager to tease him, she continued. “What do you think makes something romantic? Is it the colour, does it have to remind you of something?”

“I can’t say I would know, you’d be better off asking Mrs. Lynde.”

“But she isn’t kindred,” Anne persisted. “I wanted to hear it from you.”

Matthew predicted that there was something more serious that Anne wanted to discuss, and he sat beside her on some old boxes by the stables.

“I don’t think you came here to ask me about the clouds, so who is this boy?”

Anne gaped at him, her eyes widening.

Matthew laughed, “Don’t tell Marilla I said this, but back in the day, she really fancied this boy. We’d walk home from school, and Rachel would pester her to no end. Of course she never said a word, she didn’t need to. We both knew.” 

“How did you know?” Anne inquired.

He shrugged, “Romance has an air about it that enchants people. They start behaving differently, almost as if they were bewitched by something.”

She grinned at his word choice, “Like you and Miss Jeannie.” 

Unsure of how to react, he looked away. “I wasn’t talking about myself, Anne.”

“But Matthew, she even wrote you letters!”

“And I reckon Gilbert Blythe did the same for you, but I don’t see you doing anything about that.”

Something unsettling stirred in her stomach, as she shook her head. “Why does everyone expect me to end up Gilbert?”

Matthew was unsure, “Who is everyone?”

“Everyone but Diana and Mrs. Lynde. They wanted me to stop talking to him. Not that I blame them. I never want to speak to Gilbert Blythe ever again.”

“Anne, what happened?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore, nothing will ever be the same. I wanted to know why you never wrote back to Miss Jeannie.”

“And where is this coming from?”

“I just don’t want you missing out on love.”

Matthew squeezed her arm, “But I have you.”

Anne looked at him sternly, “That’s not what I mean. I want you to be as happy as - never mind. I suppose if you won’t give it a chance, neither will I.”

She left with a new mission, for Matthew and for herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, and please let me know what you think! There are many directions I could take this story in, but your input would mean the world.


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